Today, you have the privilege of listening about my driveway-pruning activities on the weekend. I believe I did warn you about this sort of thing. If you force me to write about actual austere activities, well, this is what you get.
Anyway, we have a driveway that is being engulfed by a neighbouring pine hedge that seems to know no bounds in its maniacal plan to take over the world. If it was a half good-looking pine hedge, then perhaps it would’ve escaped my venom and this post would not exist. As it is, it is a God-ugly thing that obviously figures that if it wasn’t going to make something of itself on its looks, then it would do so by sheer force of will. To be honest, the idea of hacking this thing out on my own was as far from my mind as, say, becoming the next Canadian astronaut, and about as likely. Normal people get other people to do this. People who have the proper stuff, like back hoes, and napalm. But then, there’s me. Mr. Austerity. I was left with two options: 1) Put this off until the Year of Austere goes bye-bye, and risk being smothered in my sleep, or 2) Pull up my sleeves and out my little saw and get hacking on my own.
Well, you know how you sometimes throw yourself into something with low expectations, only to find that “hey, I’m pretty good at this”? I was like a man gone wild. Sarah and Chloe went out for a couple of hours, and when they got back they were faced with a death zone. It looked like Juno Beach. As far as the eye could see, there were branch carcasses strewn all over a driveway that was finally being extracted from the grasp of the evil weed. Who was that crazed, shaking, saw-wielding man staring out from the carnage?
OK. Maybe I embellish this just a tad. Honestly, I can’t just sit here and write about hacking a hedge. BORING. Still, I was pretty impressed with myself. A good 20 feet of 6 foot wide Triffid-like hedge gone. Obliterated. For you math-challenged out there, that’s an extra 120 square feet of driveway that we hardly knew we had. Not too shabby. I feel that this is austere-worthy as it is a fitting example of literally cutting back while doing so without incurring cost (and the environmentally unfriendly use of a back hoe, or the even more environmentally unfriendly Napalm – although that would’ve been something to see).
Now, on to the remaining 1000 square feet.