Good day to all! I just want to start off by saying that I did NOT miss writing my post yesterday. I knew ahead of time that I was going to have a sleepover with Emma and I didn’t have time to get everything done beforehand and write my post. Therefore, I asked my brother to switch days and he kindly accepted… But then never wrote anything yesterday… I mean sheesh! Making me look like some kinda slacker there Nick! Nice one…
Anyway, missing a post and looking like a post-skipper was worth it simply because Emma and I had a wonderful time together. We laughed, we talked and we watched dumb movies. (Including one called ‘Carl’, I might add, which is the strangest and most deranged movie either of us have ever seen.) Another thing that I always love about hanging out with Emma is how incredibly similar we are, in absolutely everything. We talk about the same things, we think the same things and we feel the same way about most people! I feel that hanging out with Emma and growing closer and closer as the years are flying by, I am slowly but surely learning new things about myself.
As my mother mentioned a few posts ago, one type of austerity is emotional austerity. I myself have realized that I have nothing but an austerity of emotions! I am simply incapable of expressing how I am feeling, and sometimes even realizing them for myself. I am constantly battling with myself, trying to figure out what to do and how to make myself better at explaining my emotions. See, it is not so much that I am worried about people rejecting my feelings, but more so that I am making myself vulnerable.
The thing is, no matter how hard I thought about it, I could never figure out why I am so constantly concerned about showing weakness. And then I realized Emma is the exact same way. We both protect ourselves from being hurt, by simply never allowing the opportunity for anything to go wrong. We’re strong personalities, and never want to be showed up by others that may have a one up on us. And by not expressing my emotions, I somehow convince myself that no others can harm me if they don’t have my feelings to use against me. So in some ways, are people that let themselves be vulnerable, the stronger person?
Jeeze, this has definitely been a lot of realization about myself for one day! But I really am going to have to think things through and figure out how to get around worrying about getting hurt. Because honestly, the only thing that is going to hurt me right now is if I don’t express myself and then regret not speaking my mind, later along the road. Everybody has emotions, and I highly doubt everybody is expressing them, so don’t ever think you’re the only one wanting to speak their mind! Go for it and give it a chance, because surprisingly, everyone needs emotions. What I need to work on from now forwards, is an austerity of worrying. An austerity of holding back. I need to speak my mind and not worry about others, because the only way I can get hurt is if I let that happen! So bam, bitches! … xoxo Chloe