Hello. I hope my letter finds you well. (Just kidding. I wish you would die.) It’s been ages since we’ve exchanged pleasantries and I thought I’d drop you a line to catch up. The idea of rejuvenating the art of letter-writing came to me over breakfast this morning with a beloved friend. We were bemoaning this dying art, as well as the sad state of our penmanship.
Our acquaintance (mine & yours, Austerity – not mine & my friend’s) seems awfully one-sided. I mean, I have taken great pains to adhere to your principles, breathe in your teachings & espouse your wisdom. You, on the other hand, seem unaffected by our relationship. It makes me quite sad. (Not really. I couldn’t give a fig.)
I do wonder whether all human to human relationships could learn a thing or two from us. We really represent the two extremes in any human to human relationship, now, don’t we? One side (that’d be you) all fixed and unchangeable, literally defined by what you are and the other side (dear old me) all “bow down” and whatnot. I mean if this were a love story, we’d totally need a non-disclosure statement and some hard and soft limits… ;)
Maybe if everyone went into friendships with similar expectations (aka… none – not the “50 Shades” reference, to be clear), we’d have better luck maintaining our satisfaction with them. Let’s face it. Relationships come with expectations. Too few and what really is the point? And too many and the whole relationship is doomed. So, Austerity, my friend, I release you from expectation. You can teach me something this year or not. It’s up to you.
The time we’ve spent together has enriched me, it’s true. So, for that, I thank you. Mostly, I am enjoying our time together. I cheated on you yesterday, but it’s not like we’re married or anything – or even monogamous. And it was fun. I won’t do it again any time soon though. It would sort of defeat the whole point of our relationship. You, however, can cheat on me whenever you’d like. Please, run away with the circus. No, really. Please.
In closing, please send my regards to your friends. Sorry, that was mean-spirited. You don’t have any friends. Let’s try again. Live long and prosper? No, that doesn’t work either. Never mind. Until next time,