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I have to say, the universe has some serious chops.  When I threw down a few weeks ago, I knew it would be rough going, but whew…. I didn’t know the half of it.  It has been a crazy ride this month, emotionally speaking, but I’m looking forward to what else it can bring to the table.  I am truly impressed, but remain unfazed and un-persuaded.

If nothing else, my throw-down has clarified with absolute certainty the thoughts, feelings, and people I would like to bring with me into my creatively visualized perfect future.

With Chloe gone another week and a bit and Glenn coming home tomorrow, my emotions have run the gamut these past few days.  March marked the one year anniversary of my mom’s death, while April marks the 14th year that my best friend, Wendy, left this world.  I’ve been searching through old paperwork to find the exact date for a mutual friend, to no avail.  I have, however, experienced a great deal of joy looking through old paperwork.

I found a pretty sizeable gift bag chock-a-block full of love letters Glenn sent me the summer of ’88.  He was spending the summer doing geological surveying for the B.C. government, north of Prince George and I was taking one of my final quarters at the U.W.  I vividly remember writing him from the HUB (Husky Union Building) every single day that summer.  I also found birthday, Christmas, anniversary, and congratulations cards from my mom and dad.  Awesome, but bittersweet.

Like I said in my guest post for Chloe last night, my new mantra is really an old mantra.  “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  (Courtesy of the late, great Dr. Seuss.) And while I truly seek to grow and change, there are some things I am stuck to like glue.  I am not willing to be anything other than what I am, all the time, in every situation.  I could seek to make my life easier and perhaps be kinder and gentler to the people around me – and, please, don’t get me wrong, there is clear value in that – but it’s just not me.

It’s not how I was raised.  My dad was who he was every single second of every single day.  And, yes, he 100% could have been different and had an easier life, but it wouldn’t have been HIS life.  {Like the time he was being pressured to have his back X-rayed against his will and he went to the meeting with a hat that said, “Take This Job And Shove It”….  Yep.  That would have been one time.}   So, while I never set out to make my road bumpy, the road less travelled is probably just that.  And that makes sense, right?

On a super positive note – perfect to end on – Nicholas and I slept in our blanket fort last night.  We did everything we could to make it comfortable and have fun.  One out of two isn’t bad.  No matter what you do, the floor is hard.  Being with Nicholas is always good fun though.  I’d encourage you to do something similar.  Even just a tiny change in habit gets you to see the world from a whole new perspective and that’s always a good thing.

Take care!  s. xoxo

p.s.  In hindsight, this post is dedicated to my dad and Wendy, two of the most uncompromising people I have ever met.  It was my very great pleasure to have known and loved them.

 

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